FORWARD into 2015

It's halfway through January already!   Not sure where these 15 days went, probably same place the last 12 months traveled off to....the land of memories.  They say the older you get, the time seems to go by much quicker.  I am beginning to actually believe that.  I packed up Christmas last week, sorted through most of the paperwork of 2014 to begin organizing for taxes :(  bought a new pack of pens and a new journal, managed to exercise 4 times a week so far and began writing again!  The suspense of a new year ahead!

I love new things...new pens and journals, new calendars just waiting to be marked up with special times with friends and family, meetings and events to unfold.  There's an anticipation as we put away the old and await the new.  It has taken me a couple of weeks though to get to this point of fresh awaiting.  Concerns, burdens, prayer needs all occupied each waking moment, along with the ever pressing demand of getting the house back in order to get some semblance of normal life again.  2014 was not an easy year, although the delight of planning and celebrating the wedding and marriage of our youngest daughter and new son-in-love overrode everything! And we got a new family in the package!!  So enjoying having them be a part of our lives!  What a fun memory which we will relive each and every time I look at one of the dozens of wedding photos that now adorn my walls!  

However, the nest became empty in every sense of the word as the last two young ones moved out, one marrying and the other to pursue his career and education as a firefighter.  All within an hour's drive, thankfully, but it is way too quiet in this house!  Something I am learning to deal with.  It's interesting, lots of books out there on getting married, parenthood, careers, all sorts of resources and books out there for the seasons of a woman's life.  Where is the help for the woman who suddenly finds her nest empty and learning to cope?  It is a bittersweet time....loving the season of your adult children's lives, but sadly missing them all the same.  Perhaps fodder for the writing....stocking my pond with material to fish out when the time is right (or write as is the case).

In all honesty, I love a new year, but I am not crazy about January.  I am usually so tired from the holidays the first week and all the cleanup, take down of tree and decorations occupies those first days.  January is cold of which I am not a fan.  I adore looking out the window at snowflakes softly falling (when we have it which is rare...we usually have grey rainy damp cold), a fire in the grate, candles burning.  I love hot tea, soups and hunkering down with a good book.  But I don't like being cold.  Playing in the snow is something I enjoy watching.  I loved it when the kids were small, but now days, give me a camera and me on the other side of the window in the warm house and I will do just fine!  

January is the month before it all begins....there are no major holiday fun days or events (sorry MLK, no offense intended and I honor the day and all it means, but it doesn't involve chocolate or a bbq). It is wedged in there between December and February waiting to be discovered.  The rest of the months seem to hold a celebration of sorts for me tucked amongst their weeks...

February - Valentine's Day (chocolate!!)
March - our anniversary and spring begins!!!
April - springtime, flowers, Easter (best holiday!)  and two birthdays!
May - Mother's Day and flowers, trees budding, color!!
June - school's out, and summer begins...warm weather ahead!
July - summer!!  Fourth of July! Birthday, Bbq's, camping, vacations, sunshine!
August - birthdays, sunshine, and now another wedding anniversary!
September - birthday, beautiful colors, the chill of autumn, Pumpkin lattes!
October - birthdays, my favorite season of leaves, candles and smells
November - Thanksgiving, one of my all time favorite holidays
December - Christmas season, peppermint lattes and I absolutely love this season of remembering and celebrating Jesus' birth, twinkling lights, giving and family...another birthday!

For some reason, January doesn't hold a candle to the above months.  But in all fairness, it is a new beginning.  I read somewhere in the last weeks about the idea of instead of a new year's resolution, decide on ONE WORD to focus on in the new year.  A word to strive towards, live by, be challenged and energized by.  I liked that.  (It's hard enough by February to keep that "lose 10 pounds" on the front burner, especially if lasagna is cooking right beneath it :)  So, one word I can handle.  Simple.  Precise.  Hopeful.  As I prayed for revelation to pick "my word", I kept getting three words.  Everywhere I went I would see these words.  But I wanted just one.  So I have tucked two of them in my heart as they will be a foundation I build upon for my one word.  And the word to move me into 2015 is 

I plan to move FORWARD this year.  Not staying in the same place.  One step at a time to arrive at a different place come January 1, 2016.  Spiritually.  Physically.  Emotionally.  Mentally.  Using my gifts.  Awakening my heart.  I plan to move forward :)  

So, even though January is not my favorite month, it is a special time as we reflect on past memories, and unpack a new twelve months, beginning with January!  Bring it on!

Read More

Finding My Glasses

What if you were to lose one "sense" out of the five?  You could keep the other four, but had to give up one?  Sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch.  I cannot imagine life without any of these, but if I had to choose I would definitely not want to lose my sight.  As a life-long lover of books and the written word, being unable to read would be a sword to my heart.  (audible books aside...I want to see what I am reading)  As well, I am a visual person.  Seeing beauty and color awakens something in my soul.  I am a basket case if I misplace my glasses.

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of darkness a light has dawned."  Isaiah 9:2

I cannot get this Scripture out of my mind today.  As I focus on the coming birth of Christ in these days of December this sense of "seeing" is utmost in my thoughts.  

walking.....they were moving forward albeit in darkness
darkness - unable to see, didn't realize they couldn't see clearly or "were used to the darkness"
seen a great light - they had to open their eyes to see the light
LIGHT - a great light has dawned on them

All of us, at some point, were/are walking in darkness.  Moving along at the pace of life.  Perhaps not even realizing how dark it was because we had become accustomed to habits and what seemed normal - it is all we had ever known. Painful, discouraging, ugly, but we know nothing else.  Trying to look forward because there is no other way to look. Somehow our eyes open and we SEE a light....a GREAT LIGHT.   Suddenly, a brightness dawns in our darkness.  Nothing else matters but that light and we move towards it.  We realize what we thought was "normal" was really darkness and there is a beauty of life ahead of us which we were meant to live.  It is like having lost your glasses and now you found them and can see clearly.  We learn to live all over again, because now we can SEE.

As we move deeper into the weeks of December I pray we will SEE what God wants us to see.  The Light that came into the world.  I am pretty sure we will all agree, believers and unbelievers alike, we live in a pretty DARK world.  The chaos, war, protests, disease, death, selfishness, and brokenness all around is pretty hard to ignore.  Where can we possibly turn for hope and something to "light our way" ? LORD, open our eyes to SEE what you want us to see.  For those of us who already believe in your Son, Jesus, open our eyes to see where you want us to be a light for you.  Where Your light can make a difference through our lives as we rub shoulders with those who are struggling to see.  For those who do see, but are aching for an answer to their pain and sorrow, allow the warmth of your Light to ease the pain and help them to see the way on the road ahead. For those who are in darkness, and cannot see where to turn, open their eyes to see what perhaps they didn't realize they were searching for.  The real Hope and Answer to their despair and longing.  The Light dawning in their darkness.  Help us all to find our glasses.

Read More

A Holy Pause

“How are you?”   “Great, busy.”  How many times are we asked that question, “How are you?”  And we reply the same....”good, but busy.”  So often I have said those words and then in the back of my mind think...”just what am I so busy with?”  

We are all busy.   Our days are filled with work and our careers, taking care of family, organizing our homes, grocery shopping, making meals, appointments and volunteer work, to name a few of the jobs that keep us running from one minute to the next.   On top of the normal survival mode we find ourselves in, we volunteer outside of the home for numerous tasks that help and aid others.  All these are good and necessary for the most part.  But when did we take a pause from that which is good, to perhaps experience a bit of the best?

On a side note, I am doing a Bible study with some wonderful women on the Biblical concept of the Sabbath.  It is amazing and opening my mind (as well as my heart) to learning to build margins in my life for a Sabbath when to say no. Also, to say no to what keeps us on the "treadmill of life" and respond with a yes to what is really important for this season in our lives, and let go of the rest.

Philip in the book of Acts chapter 8 was also busy.  God had allowed the first disciples to be scattered beyond the borders of Jerusalem.  This happened shortly after Stephen was stoned in that great city.  Philip ended up in a city in Samaria.  Not a place where the Jewish people normally socialized.  The Samaritans were a people they avoided and disdained, due to historical conflict. For some unknown, but probably Spirit-led reason, Philip finds himself there preaching the Gospel.  The middle portions of chapter 8 reveal Philip busy proclaiming the Messiah, performing miracles, casting out demons and impure spirits, and healing the lame and paralyzed.  Yes, I’d say he was a busy boy.  Busy with good.  Busy with God’s work.  A good busy.

Now right in the middle of this busy-ness, an angel of the Lord whispers to Philip (verse 26), to go to a desert road that leads from Jerusalem to Gaza.  He goes.  But I wonder if he didn’t think “Excuse me, I am busy here.  People are being healed and hearing about the Messiah. Good things are happening. I don’t have time to go down south.”  At any rate, he went.  

The story goes on to tell us he met an Ethiopian.  He listened to the angel and went up to a chariot where the Ethiopian was sitting and reading Scripture.  The man didn’t understand what he was reading so Philip explained it to him.  They rode together in the chariot discussing what the words meant.  As they came near water, the Ethiopian wanted to be baptized, so they took the time to stop and Philip baptized this spiritual hungry man.  When they emerged from the water, Philip was “taken away” by the Spirit of the Lord and later was seen in Azotus where he continued preaching.  The Ethiopian, I am sure was a little more than surprised, but went on his way rejoicing, probably all the way back to Africa.  The Gospel found its way south.

Philip was busy.  Doing good things.  Doing Godly things.  But the Spirit spoke to him to “stop” and do something else.  Go somewhere else.  Talk to someone in another place.  Take the time to stop and listen.  And subsequently, the Gospel went to Africa.

I heard this phrase recently  “a holy pause”.  This says volumes to me.  Do we (I) take a holy pause in the middle of my busy-ness of doing His work, when a still small voice asks me to do something different?  Do I recognize the pauses the Lord might be asking me to take?  

A few years back, I was rushing to the grocery store to pick up some much needed items.  I had a small amount of time to get it done before I had to pick up my kids from school.  No sooner had I walked in the door and headed down the first aisle than I saw a woman I knew but hadn’t seen for some time.  She was a lovely woman, but a talker and I knew if I stopped, I would be stuck.  I had a schedule I needed to keep to.  However, I felt that nudging and still small voice told me to stop.  (I confess there are times in the past, where I have walked down a different aisle to just get the job done and not take time for others when I was in a hurry).  This time I stopped.  

We took a few moments to greet each other and catch up.  I asked how her family was.  The door opened, or rather the floodgates opened very wide, and she began to share some heartache about her son.   We moved over to the side of the aisle so others could pass.  I listened.  And I listened some more.  A good fifteen minutes passed when she realized she needed to get going.  I assured her I would be praying for her son and her family.  I took a further few minutes to do the unthinkable....and perhaps a tad embarrassing to her....I stopped and prayed for her right there, in the side aisle of the grocery store.  We hugged and went our separate ways.   Thank the Lord, my children went to a school where if you were late for whatever reason, they were watched and taken care of until you arrived.  All was well.

About a week later, I received a thank you note in the mail.  This dear lady thanked me for taking the time.  Who stops in the middle of the store and the busy-ness, and listens?  Who stops and prays in the most unorthodox places for a troubled soul?  She was so grateful for the time and was deeply encouraged to keep believing for her son.  She felt she could go on.

I was humbled and so glad I had stopped.  The Gospel touched a hurting woman in the middle of Safeway.  A son was prayed for.  A mother’s heart was encouraged and strengthened.  Because a holy pause took place and lives were touched.

Photo Credit: visual photos

Philip took a holy pause.  So many of us need to.  Miracles can happen when we do.  Otherwise, we could miss out on God and something He wants to do in a very special moment in the life of a very special person.  If we pause and listen..  

Read More

October Fruit

OCTOBER....many reasons why I love this month and time of year.  It could be due to the fact the month begins with the same letter as orange, or the last three letters seem to sound like what I say each morning as the temperature begins to drop.  The vibrancy of reds, yellows, greens and orange against a brilliant blue sky make the tenth month of the year the absolute best when it comes to color! An artist’s palette just waiting for a new masterpiece to be born.

There’s something spiritual about this month in seasonal changes.  It is harvest time.  A vine is sagging under the weight of its fruit and each piece of fruit will display the life it received from the vine.  The fruit reveals what took place in the spring and summer months.  The condition of the soil, the amount of water, air and sunshine the fruit received, the actual care of the planting and pruning during the spring months.

John 15:5 tells us, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”   Did we stay just close enough to the Vine to survive?  If so, our fruit will be pale, lacking color, wrinkly and the lack of freshness will be obvious. If we remained strongly connected to the Vine (John 15:4), our fruit will be healthy, ripe, rich and luscious and our lives reaping the benefit of the previous seasons growth and care.

Harvest is a time of reaping.  In spiritual terms, we are involved in ministry.  Our lives are touching other lives.  We share our fruitfulness, even when we are tired.  The harvest lasts but a short season as the year progresses.   We have a choice to harvest our fruit.  We choose to be involved in ministry to others and in doing so our growth on the Vine grows deeper, our opportunities to love and give increase and the harvest is bountiful.  To keep our lives fruitful, ministry time during the harvest is not an option.  If we are not allowing the fruit to be used for the reason it was planted in the first place, it will fall to the ground and rot.  It must be harvested, given away and used for the purpose it was cultivated.  Above all though, God (the Vine) is the One who makes the harvest happen, not us.  We simply obey what He is telling us to do.  We make a choice to be available for the harvest.  And watch as He glorifies Himself through His fruit.

“God, open my eyes to the harvest around me.  What are YOU doing and how do I fit in?”

October...harvest....rich, tasty, firm, healthy fruit and vegetables, how can I feed those around me with the fruit you have cultivated in my life?  “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”  Galatians 5:23,23     Practically, where has God been loving in my life?  Where has He given me joy?  Where has He been faithful?  How has He taught me self-control?   All fruit I can pick and pass onto others.

October...harvest....time to pick and give away.  A great month of reaping the cultivation of spring and summer.

Read More

40 Years....

Yesterday I received a priceless gift although I did not realize it at the time.  I was given a small packet of notes from a prayer group in Canada.  These were notes taken during a time of prayer in which the people involved prayed for specific nations and needs.  My husband and I serve in missions and they included us in their prayers.  The notes were Scriptures they felt God impress upon them for us and our ministry, especially the current trip my husband is on at this very moment.  One particular page was addressed to me.  On it was written  the first four verses of Psalm 40.  Unbeknownst to the sender, this is one of my favorite passages of Scripture, highlighted and underlined many times in the various Bibles I have owned over the course of my life.  I tucked the precious note into the pages of my Bible to meditate on today.

Last night I couldn’t sleep. I lay in bed praying and reminiscing of all the ways God the Father has spoken to me in the past.  Reliving the circumstances and seasons of His goodness, His guidance and leading in my life. These days I have been praying and asking God for a renewed and refreshing of my relationship with Him.  The cry of my heart has been...”more of YOU and less of me”.  I want His PRESENCE more than I want His plan for my life.  Each day I am sitting, silent, for an extended period of time, soaking in what I can of whatever He can share with me of His presence.  This is not easy for me, as I don’t like to sit still.  But for “some reason” this desire is stronger in me now than in the recent past.  I don’t want a day to go by without some measure of sensing His presence.  My current circumstances allow me this luxury right now of having the time to be silent.  

Today, after getting my morning cup of coffee, lighting a scented candle and settling myself in a quiet place, I opened my Bible and out fell the page with Psalm 40.  I cannot explain it, but with a flash of understanding, some part of my life fell into place.

Today is September 25th, 2014.  Forty years ago today, I knelt before God and gave all my disappointments, my failures, my despair, my whole life such as it was at 18 years of age, to HIM.  I bent my knee and said “I cannot do my life like this any more.  I need You.”  I had been suicidal for some time.  Disappointments in my life had led me to despair and chronic stomach problems.  I had tried to end my life three times, only to fail in the attempt.  (That’s a story in itself)  I knew deep within my being that unless God took over, I would not be around on this earth for long.  

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust and confidence in Him.”

Psalm 40:1-4

He heard me

He rescued me

He lifted me

He gave me a firm place to put my unsteady feet

He gave me new words and a song to sing

He gave me reason to live

My life counts for something

My life will count for eternity

September 25, 1974

September 25, 2014

40 years

My spiritual birthday

40 years of not wandering in a desert

but 40 years (and lots of stories!) of His goodness,

His love, His faithfulness, His direction and leading, 

His mercy.  

40 years of relationship with the Lover of my soul

40 years of knowing a God who loves me more than I can say

and 40 years of the most incredible adventures and friendships I could have 

ever dreamed of knowing

40 years of BLESSING

Oh yes, there have been seasons of disappointment, times of failure, incredible hardships and pain.  I haven’t lived immune to the world and what life can throw at us.  But through it all, HE has always been there for me and come through when I needed Him.  He has given me the companionship my heart ached for.  

In the words of my favorite Bible man, David,

“The Lord is (has been) my Shepherd, I have everything I need.”

Psalm 23:1

I would not be here today if He had not intervened 40 years ago.

I have to say it over and over again...I love Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength.  Do I want another 40 years with Him?  Hmm..that will make me nearly 98 years old...If the next 40 years means “more of Him and less of me”, then YES!  I do!  I bend my knee and my heart over to Him, as I did 40 years ago....I do!

The KING has put his signature on my life...His signet ring has claimed me for Himself.  I belong to Him.  And I never want it any different.

Happy Birthday to me

The Greatest Gift is His presence

It is all I want

Read More

Not Ready to Give Up Summer :)

Ah, my favorite season of the year....as warm days of summer give way to the crisp cool mornings and evenings of autumn, I submit to my senses of smell, sight and taste.  I was determined this year though to not give in until the day fall actually does arrive, which is a couple of weeks away.  I told myself, "No pumpkin spice latte until September 23rd...I mean it!".  (I have succeeded thus far, by the way).  I want to savor the summer until the last sausage is grilled and the last corn on the cob is chewed away.  My summer sped by with the wedding being all-consuming, so each minute that ticks away on the clock until the first leaf falls I will be enjoying what I can squeeze from the days left.  It helps that here in the Pacific Northwest, we are experiencing amazingly warm (and a few HOT) days yet.  

I went to two farmer's markets in the last week to stock up on fresh garden vegetables.  I try to make a big batch of ratatouille (French vegetable dish) and have it on hand to nibble on when I want something quick, easy and healthy.  What a sensory treat...the vibrant reds, sunny yellows and deep greens drew me in like a magnet. 

 I think I bought too many vegetables :)  The flower vendors displayed the most exquisite bouquets of autumn hues and for the first time in a long time, I bought myself a bouquet.  I yearned for a market I could wander through each week of the coming months.  There is something about home-grown and outdoor vendors that brings meaning to shopping and cooking that we lose at Safeway.

Once I had my ratatouille simmering, I tackled the task of putting away all the stuff that has accumulated around the house during the months of busy-ness.  Returning things borrowed, finding places for items that somehow found their way into my home and figuring out what to do with what had been left behind by a now-married daughter.  So naturally, a day of dusting and cleaning awaits me.  But oh no, that means putting away "summer" and getting out "fall".  I am a visual person and love to display the seasons in my home.  Candles, leaves and orange find their way onto the shelves and mantles of our abode.  The lure of autumn is already beckoning me.  I may have to light a pumpkin spice candle, but I draw the line at the latte!

What I really love about this approaching season beyond the colors, smell and falling leaves, is the new beginnings that surround us.  For the last 27 years, the fall has signaled the beginning of school and new activities in the family.  For the first time in nearly 3 decades, there is no school bus, or child running out the door (for high school or college).  Last year, I still had a college-bound son at home.  This year, silence.  Alas, it is still a time of new beginnings...usually churches begin their new Bible studies for women as children are back at school. I am looking forward with anticipation to beginning a new study, digging into God's Word and being challenged as I step into this next phase of life.  I LOVE that this journey as a parent, a wife and a child of God continues to keep us growing and is not meant to be stagnant.  I found a study I would like to do...http://www.lifeway.com/Product/breathe-making-room-for-sabbath-member-book-p005644896

This seems like a great season to learn to do just that....breathe.  Breathe in God, breathe in rest, breathe in love and His purposes for my life.

As summer winds down and berry cobbler gives way to apple cake with rum sauce http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/apple-nut-cake-with-rum-sauce

I encourage you to breathe in these last days of summer and dream new big dreams for this next season.  I know I will...perhaps with that latte and a bit of cake :)  but first I'm firing up the grill and husking some corn for a last bbq and soaking up a few sun-drenched days left to enjoy.

Read More

The Circus Has Left Town

Yes, it’s been months since I blogged.  Life took over and I’m looking out my window realizing that the leaves are about to change color and we will be putting away the bbq and deck chairs before the month is out.  Time certainly didn’t pass me by, it just kept running beside me until I suddenly stopped to breathe and slow the pace of 2014.  

We gave away our beautiful and youngest daughter in marriage a few weeks ago. I knew this day would come and life would change.  It seems we just announced her engagement to Jordan and before we knew it, they were all smiles and leaving on their honeymoon.  The months in between are a bit of a blur now - a happy content “glad they are over” kind of blur.  Lots of work ending in an incredible awesome celebration and adventure ahead for a couple who are deeply in love.  

Our youngest son moved out in July as he continues his studies and internship in becoming a fireman.  Our hearts swelled with pride (the good kind) as he was sworn in and badged two days after our daughter’s wedding.  Life is good and bittersweet at the same time....why does the heart ache when they try their wings and fly - especially when you realize it is your youngest and life will never be quite the same.

I wrote on this blog a while back about my “circus”.   My Family Circus   Our Russian/Ukrainian name translated into English means “wild family”.  Years ago, when we lived in Russia as missionaries, we lived in a hotel that housed the Moscow circus when they came through town.  How appropriate...our wild family in the circus hotel.  Pondering our empty nest as the dust settles from the last months, this took on a whole new meaning.  The air is no longer filled with the roaring of tigers jumping through hoops or elephants balancing on a ball.   The rhythmic music of dancing bears across the floors is silenced.   Trapeze artists flying through the air or walking a tight wire are no longer a safety issue :)  Silence prevails and as I stand in the dust and look around at empty tents, discarded peanut bags and cotton candy wrappers, I am struck with the realization....the circus has left town. 

My heart is trying to absorb all of this in our new season.  I always thought I liked change.  I’m not so sure now.  Although change with purpose is promising.  Change with vision is exhilarating.  Change means the old is passing away and  the new is born.  Wait, the circus may have left but the Ringmaster and his beautifully clad sidekick are still here :)  Slightly older, less elegant, but still with lots of “circusy-wild-family” life just waiting to get the show on the road once again.   And those cute tutu-ed bears, those roaring tigers, and flying trapeze will definitely still come around with an act all their own :)  Probably a bit hungry, maybe a load or two of laundry to be done, perhaps a need to be met or a word of advice wanting to be dispensed.  Wonderful....I seriously can’t wait! 

As I head into the cool, crisp days of autumn, I look forward to pondering and remembering His goodness.  As days of “thankfulness” come upon us, I anticipate many God-stories welling up in my heart.  Yes, time to write those down....stories not forgotten.  A new season full of promise, life and fresh memories waiting to be made!  I don’t honestly know what the next season looks like, but if I know anything about God, it will be full of surprises and His faithfulness!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy Faithfulness!

Read More