Hope, Heart & Miqweh

Wow!  What a week!  My thoughts, emotions and hope are at a much different place than they were this time last week (Monday, November 7th).  For the Americans reading this…you will totally get what I mean.  How things can change so quickly!

As we each individually process what is taking place around us, as well as we enter into the holidays before us, my mind keeps going to one word.  HOPE.  We need it.  We cannot live without it.  Our soul shrivels up if we don’t have it.  Regardless of how you voted, what you believe or what your journey with God looks like, we all need HOPE. One thing we can all agree on.  But where do we find it?

Today, I read a Scripture that renewed my heart….

”May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing (through the experience of your faith) that by the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope.”  Romans 15:13 Amplified Version

Hope means a feeling of expectation or desire for something to happen. 

** helps us stay on course regardless of the circumstances.

** Biblical hope finds its roots in God.  His goodness, His mercy, His love, His power.

** enables us to endure patiently.

** our hope is nurtured as we read His Word and trust in His character.

As believers, it cannot be just “wishing” for something to happen.  Our hope lies in the Word of God that says He is trustworthy and cannot lie. (Hebrews 6:18)  And it is staying so connected in relationship with God that we know He knows us…..He loves us….He desires His best for us…..a concrete solid hope.  There is life beyond our current circumstances.

Hope leads us into faith…a faith that cannot be moved by circumstances or what the eyes see because…. an unseen God is seen in His faithfulness.  Today, tomorrow, next year, regardless of what our circumstances are, we cannot lose hope.  I may not be able to see it....or hold it in my hand....but in my heart and mind, I have to nurture the hope that only comes by faith.

I’ve been a bit somber, sad and lagging in my hope recently due to some prayers not being answered, or at least they are taking a long time in being answered.  The way I want them to be answered.  I’ve literally sat with open hands to God releasing my hopes, desires and wants…..that no matter what it looks like, I know Him and I know He knows exactly where I am at.  What my hopes are. (And they are good hopes, good prayers, not selfish but good for others).   And He knows best how to feed that hope and how in His timing He will answer.  Patience as hope waters my soul.  Patience as joy begins to seep in and take over.  Hope urges me to wait confidently for Him to act. Faith leading to hope….leading to LOVE - which is the one word that describes God to a “T”.  This ancient hope....still lives NOW and in the very center of our lives, if we make room for Him.

Today, this week, this coming holiday season - have HOPE; we have an eternal future.   (interruption...side note....as I am typing this....just now.....I received a phone call with some disappointing news.   A prayer answer is "no".  Or at least not now.)  My heart is a bit heavy to be honest.  BUT I stand by everything I've just written.  He is HOPE and I will continue to TRUST and HOPE.  (I may have a little cry, but mixed amongst  the tears is hope.)  

"No one has ever experienced unfaithfulness on God's part!"  (Henry Blackaby, Experiencing God)

"Lord, no eye has seen, no ear has heard what you have prepared for those who love you.  Thank you for being a Loving Father and for all your faithfulness in our lives.  Help us to wait and to watch.  Help us to trust and believe.  YOU are our HOPE and our Strength!  As the disciple Peter said, "Lord, to whom shall we go?  YOU ALONE HAVE THE WORDS OF ETERNAL LIFE."  AMEN.

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I Can Count On The Waves

Waking up to waves invokes feelings within my soul like no other place on earth.  If you’ve been at the beach for any length of time, you discover the waves are the same…day in…day out.  You wake up and nothing has changed.  Still rolling into the beach and back out to sea.  Most of the time, they even sound the same.  Same old, same old.

BUT OVERRIDING that is the sense of constant.  Faithful.  They will still be there when I wake up.  Nothing has changed.  They didn’t suddenly disappear.  If anything, the color has changed.  Grey to blue…or blue to grey.  But always, and consistently there.  And that brings a sense of security.  Of stability.  Of peace.  I can count on the waves.  

Same with my Heavenly Father.  He was there last night when I closed my eyes.  And He was there when I awakened.  Constant.  Consistent.  Perhaps a bit of a “color change”.  Sleep changed my perspective.  Worry clouded over the night before, but “joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5)

A sense of peace.  Security.  Stability.  Faithfulness.  James 1:17  “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  

I can count on the waves.

I can count on my Father.

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40 Years....

Yesterday I received a priceless gift although I did not realize it at the time.  I was given a small packet of notes from a prayer group in Canada.  These were notes taken during a time of prayer in which the people involved prayed for specific nations and needs.  My husband and I serve in missions and they included us in their prayers.  The notes were Scriptures they felt God impress upon them for us and our ministry, especially the current trip my husband is on at this very moment.  One particular page was addressed to me.  On it was written  the first four verses of Psalm 40.  Unbeknownst to the sender, this is one of my favorite passages of Scripture, highlighted and underlined many times in the various Bibles I have owned over the course of my life.  I tucked the precious note into the pages of my Bible to meditate on today.

Last night I couldn’t sleep. I lay in bed praying and reminiscing of all the ways God the Father has spoken to me in the past.  Reliving the circumstances and seasons of His goodness, His guidance and leading in my life. These days I have been praying and asking God for a renewed and refreshing of my relationship with Him.  The cry of my heart has been...”more of YOU and less of me”.  I want His PRESENCE more than I want His plan for my life.  Each day I am sitting, silent, for an extended period of time, soaking in what I can of whatever He can share with me of His presence.  This is not easy for me, as I don’t like to sit still.  But for “some reason” this desire is stronger in me now than in the recent past.  I don’t want a day to go by without some measure of sensing His presence.  My current circumstances allow me this luxury right now of having the time to be silent.  

Today, after getting my morning cup of coffee, lighting a scented candle and settling myself in a quiet place, I opened my Bible and out fell the page with Psalm 40.  I cannot explain it, but with a flash of understanding, some part of my life fell into place.

Today is September 25th, 2014.  Forty years ago today, I knelt before God and gave all my disappointments, my failures, my despair, my whole life such as it was at 18 years of age, to HIM.  I bent my knee and said “I cannot do my life like this any more.  I need You.”  I had been suicidal for some time.  Disappointments in my life had led me to despair and chronic stomach problems.  I had tried to end my life three times, only to fail in the attempt.  (That’s a story in itself)  I knew deep within my being that unless God took over, I would not be around on this earth for long.  

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust and confidence in Him.”

Psalm 40:1-4

He heard me

He rescued me

He lifted me

He gave me a firm place to put my unsteady feet

He gave me new words and a song to sing

He gave me reason to live

My life counts for something

My life will count for eternity

September 25, 1974

September 25, 2014

40 years

My spiritual birthday

40 years of not wandering in a desert

but 40 years (and lots of stories!) of His goodness,

His love, His faithfulness, His direction and leading, 

His mercy.  

40 years of relationship with the Lover of my soul

40 years of knowing a God who loves me more than I can say

and 40 years of the most incredible adventures and friendships I could have 

ever dreamed of knowing

40 years of BLESSING

Oh yes, there have been seasons of disappointment, times of failure, incredible hardships and pain.  I haven’t lived immune to the world and what life can throw at us.  But through it all, HE has always been there for me and come through when I needed Him.  He has given me the companionship my heart ached for.  

In the words of my favorite Bible man, David,

“The Lord is (has been) my Shepherd, I have everything I need.”

Psalm 23:1

I would not be here today if He had not intervened 40 years ago.

I have to say it over and over again...I love Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength.  Do I want another 40 years with Him?  Hmm..that will make me nearly 98 years old...If the next 40 years means “more of Him and less of me”, then YES!  I do!  I bend my knee and my heart over to Him, as I did 40 years ago....I do!

The KING has put his signature on my life...His signet ring has claimed me for Himself.  I belong to Him.  And I never want it any different.

Happy Birthday to me

The Greatest Gift is His presence

It is all I want

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The Circus Has Left Town

Yes, it’s been months since I blogged.  Life took over and I’m looking out my window realizing that the leaves are about to change color and we will be putting away the bbq and deck chairs before the month is out.  Time certainly didn’t pass me by, it just kept running beside me until I suddenly stopped to breathe and slow the pace of 2014.  

We gave away our beautiful and youngest daughter in marriage a few weeks ago. I knew this day would come and life would change.  It seems we just announced her engagement to Jordan and before we knew it, they were all smiles and leaving on their honeymoon.  The months in between are a bit of a blur now - a happy content “glad they are over” kind of blur.  Lots of work ending in an incredible awesome celebration and adventure ahead for a couple who are deeply in love.  

Our youngest son moved out in July as he continues his studies and internship in becoming a fireman.  Our hearts swelled with pride (the good kind) as he was sworn in and badged two days after our daughter’s wedding.  Life is good and bittersweet at the same time....why does the heart ache when they try their wings and fly - especially when you realize it is your youngest and life will never be quite the same.

I wrote on this blog a while back about my “circus”.   My Family Circus   Our Russian/Ukrainian name translated into English means “wild family”.  Years ago, when we lived in Russia as missionaries, we lived in a hotel that housed the Moscow circus when they came through town.  How appropriate...our wild family in the circus hotel.  Pondering our empty nest as the dust settles from the last months, this took on a whole new meaning.  The air is no longer filled with the roaring of tigers jumping through hoops or elephants balancing on a ball.   The rhythmic music of dancing bears across the floors is silenced.   Trapeze artists flying through the air or walking a tight wire are no longer a safety issue :)  Silence prevails and as I stand in the dust and look around at empty tents, discarded peanut bags and cotton candy wrappers, I am struck with the realization....the circus has left town. 

My heart is trying to absorb all of this in our new season.  I always thought I liked change.  I’m not so sure now.  Although change with purpose is promising.  Change with vision is exhilarating.  Change means the old is passing away and  the new is born.  Wait, the circus may have left but the Ringmaster and his beautifully clad sidekick are still here :)  Slightly older, less elegant, but still with lots of “circusy-wild-family” life just waiting to get the show on the road once again.   And those cute tutu-ed bears, those roaring tigers, and flying trapeze will definitely still come around with an act all their own :)  Probably a bit hungry, maybe a load or two of laundry to be done, perhaps a need to be met or a word of advice wanting to be dispensed.  Wonderful....I seriously can’t wait! 

As I head into the cool, crisp days of autumn, I look forward to pondering and remembering His goodness.  As days of “thankfulness” come upon us, I anticipate many God-stories welling up in my heart.  Yes, time to write those down....stories not forgotten.  A new season full of promise, life and fresh memories waiting to be made!  I don’t honestly know what the next season looks like, but if I know anything about God, it will be full of surprises and His faithfulness!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy Faithfulness!

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