Hope, Heart & Miqweh

Wow!  What a week!  My thoughts, emotions and hope are at a much different place than they were this time last week (Monday, November 7th).  For the Americans reading this…you will totally get what I mean.  How things can change so quickly!

As we each individually process what is taking place around us, as well as we enter into the holidays before us, my mind keeps going to one word.  HOPE.  We need it.  We cannot live without it.  Our soul shrivels up if we don’t have it.  Regardless of how you voted, what you believe or what your journey with God looks like, we all need HOPE. One thing we can all agree on.  But where do we find it?

Today, I read a Scripture that renewed my heart….

”May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing (through the experience of your faith) that by the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope.”  Romans 15:13 Amplified Version

Hope means a feeling of expectation or desire for something to happen. 

** helps us stay on course regardless of the circumstances.

** Biblical hope finds its roots in God.  His goodness, His mercy, His love, His power.

** enables us to endure patiently.

** our hope is nurtured as we read His Word and trust in His character.

As believers, it cannot be just “wishing” for something to happen.  Our hope lies in the Word of God that says He is trustworthy and cannot lie. (Hebrews 6:18)  And it is staying so connected in relationship with God that we know He knows us…..He loves us….He desires His best for us…..a concrete solid hope.  There is life beyond our current circumstances.

Hope leads us into faith…a faith that cannot be moved by circumstances or what the eyes see because…. an unseen God is seen in His faithfulness.  Today, tomorrow, next year, regardless of what our circumstances are, we cannot lose hope.  I may not be able to see it....or hold it in my hand....but in my heart and mind, I have to nurture the hope that only comes by faith.

I’ve been a bit somber, sad and lagging in my hope recently due to some prayers not being answered, or at least they are taking a long time in being answered.  The way I want them to be answered.  I’ve literally sat with open hands to God releasing my hopes, desires and wants…..that no matter what it looks like, I know Him and I know He knows exactly where I am at.  What my hopes are. (And they are good hopes, good prayers, not selfish but good for others).   And He knows best how to feed that hope and how in His timing He will answer.  Patience as hope waters my soul.  Patience as joy begins to seep in and take over.  Hope urges me to wait confidently for Him to act. Faith leading to hope….leading to LOVE - which is the one word that describes God to a “T”.  This ancient hope....still lives NOW and in the very center of our lives, if we make room for Him.

Today, this week, this coming holiday season - have HOPE; we have an eternal future.   (interruption...side note....as I am typing this....just now.....I received a phone call with some disappointing news.   A prayer answer is "no".  Or at least not now.)  My heart is a bit heavy to be honest.  BUT I stand by everything I've just written.  He is HOPE and I will continue to TRUST and HOPE.  (I may have a little cry, but mixed amongst  the tears is hope.)  

"No one has ever experienced unfaithfulness on God's part!"  (Henry Blackaby, Experiencing God)

"Lord, no eye has seen, no ear has heard what you have prepared for those who love you.  Thank you for being a Loving Father and for all your faithfulness in our lives.  Help us to wait and to watch.  Help us to trust and believe.  YOU are our HOPE and our Strength!  As the disciple Peter said, "Lord, to whom shall we go?  YOU ALONE HAVE THE WORDS OF ETERNAL LIFE."  AMEN.

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New Gifts

I have had the privilege of sharing in DTS’s (Youth With A Mission’s Discipleship Training Schools) over the last several years about the “mothering love of God”.  It has been wonderful to see a light dawn in eyes of students and they begin to comprehend God loves them like a Father and a Mother.  He intended us to have both.  It is healthy to have both…..physically, emotionally and spiritually.  When one is lacking, we lack.  We don’t get “enough” in our childhood (due to dysfunction, divorce, wounding, etc.) and it can carry through into adulthood if God Himself has not been given the space to come in and fill the need.

Psalm 131:2

Several months ago as I looked out my window at a breathtaking dawn breaking, I felt peaceful, satisfied.  Weaning means to be satisfied, your needs met.  I have enough.  

This year  I took on my “word”  RELEASE for 2016.   I began 2016 with a sense of God releasing new things into our lives, mainly with how we give out in our ministry and serving others,   New adventures, new stories of sharing.  But way back in January, I began to also sense “release” meant ME releasing some things into God’s hands so He could then “release” into my life.

One area I seem to always be letting go has been the releasing of the lives of my children into His hands.  He carries them.  He will lead them.  He knows them better than I do.  Really?  Can that be??  Yes, releasing our loved ones into His care is the best thing I can do.  But releasing is not always easy.  Even the releasing of comfortable, daily, life can and will bring freshness and new adventure if we are willing to release what is normal for us or things we hide behind.  In prayer, speaking out and giving over to God those things that are good.....really good.....(maybe some not so good)....but by releasing them to God, He sets us free to receive new gifts from Him.  Don't we always want a new present to open?

One thing I love (and can be unsettling and challenging at times) in our relationship with God is we are never to old to grow and learn.  As I gaze at a rising dawn, and read my devotional for the day….it reminds me that God always goes before me.  Never leads me into situations that He is not fully aware of the needs of what I will be facing.  He is before me.  Beside me.  Next to me.  Behind me.  AND He gives PEACE.  It was His first words to His disciples after the resurrection.  Peace I give you.  Do not be afraid.  He knew we needed to hear that.  He said it a lot!  Even sent angels to tell us.

As I wait in the presence of my Father, He impresses on my mind that weaning can be something that takes place even in the oldest of us.  I am 60.  I have walked with the Lord for 42 years.  And today, I continue to be “weaned”.  I think I have enough…but He wants to give me more. Continually moving away from the “bottle” and into deeper, richer, real food.  Even after all these years, He wants to wean me from the comfortable.  The familiar.  He wants to give me “flavored milk”, beyond the white.  I have enough, but He wants to give me more.  Will I trust Him to continually wean me….trust Him as I release, He gives back more than I could imagine?  Will I trust Him?   Can I love someone or something possibly so much that He would want me to “release it into His hands” so He can turn around and give me so much more?

Psalm 34:8

Genesis 16: 13-14 (Amplified Version)

John 20:19

Colossians 3:15

Psalm 139:7-12

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By Myself....But Not Alone

Yes, I took a break.  Far too long of a break, but a needed one.  Without a long explanation of so much life lived in the last year, I am returning to blogging.  Expressing my thoughts on paper (or computer as the case may be) is very therapeutic for me, however, I realized I do not want my blog to be a diary of daily happenings, which are really of no interest to anyone but me :)  Nor do I want it to be a medium where I share the deepest innermost thoughts of my heart for all the world to read.  But I do want it to be life - for myself and others who may just need a nugget of encouragement or perhaps a new lens by which to view this complex life and world we live in.  So much noise surrounding us and so many words being thrown in our face.  Sometimes, we need to remove ourselves, just to be quiet.

My husband left recently for an extended ministry trip.  I prayed and chose to stay behind.  We have traveled so much this past year and I needed to stay put for a time, dealing with some health issues and catching up on so many things. As I put him on a plane, my mind is filled with the “to-do” list.  However, whether it was God wanting to slow me down or my body telling me to stop, I ended up having no choice.

In the last 3 years, I have pulled a ligament in my back 3 different times.  Yes, I did it again.  If you’ve never done this, let me tell you it is excruciatingly painful.  I can barely walk and the only position whereby I can relieve the pain is to be lying flat.  So that is where I have spent the last 9 days.  Usually it takes me 5 days of lying down, putting heat or ice on my back and carefully doing the exercises of stretching the doctor prescribed.  However, three days into my recuperation, I aggravated it and the recovery has lasted much longer than anticipated.  I won’t bore you with details, but something happened I do want to share.

I was alone.  Husband thousands of miles away.  Three of my grown children live within an hour, but not close when you need help fairly quickly. A daughter lives in Los Angeles.  We have a family living downstairs.  We don’t have a land-line phone down there.  I didn’t have a cell # for them.  I couldn’t get up to tell them I needed help.  I have a circle of really close girlfriends that would drop everything and come in a second if I needed them.  But I knew they had jobs, commitments and possibly one of them out of town.  To even reach the phone to call was a pain.  I was alone.  I had absolutely no control over my body or the pain. I lay crying and telling God how utterly alone I was.  I was even mad.  Why did this happen when literally everyone that could normally help me was not nearby?  What was I going to do?  I cried.  I felt really sorry for myself.  And I needed to get up and go to the bathroom!  (I knew that could take a fair amount of time just rolling myself off the couch and crawling down the hall).  I was mad.  I cried.  And I felt utterly out of control and alone.  SO OUT OF CONTROL AND ALONE.  

In those difficult and tearful moments and so very clear…..I heard a still small voice in my mind and to my heart, “You are never alone.”  So clear.  So simple. So precise.  And so incredibly calming in that moment.  I knew.  God speaking to me.  God reaching out to me.  Those four words met me in a way that no friend, husband or help could even come close.  A peace came over me and I relaxed.  That was a turning point for me on day four.  I knew before this that He was with me, but a deeper understanding came…..I knew He WAS WITH ME.  Can’t explain it, I just knew.

In the days following, a couple of my close girlfriends came over to visit, my son came by (even with flowers from my husband!) but for the most part, I was housebound and alone.  No, not alone. Just by myself.  Crazily enough, during this time, our weather forecast was we were expecting a storm with so much rain and wind that it was dangerous.  Again, "feeling" alone…..we are surrounded by trees that could very easily come down and have in past storms.  What would I do?  I collected water if the power went out (we have a well that needs electricity to pump).  I had food, firewood and charged my cell phone.  But….what would I do if a tree crashed into our house? I can barely lift a piece of firewood, let alone deal with a fallen tree.   Again…why this storm and why when my husband (who fixes EVERYTHING) is away.  As I prayed for the winds to not come near (praying Psalm 91 over my home and the Pacific Northwest), I was reminded, “I am never alone.”  

Short but wonderful sideline….at one point in the afternoon of the storm I realized everything was calm.  I looked out the window and the neighbor’s trees were swaying heavily in the wind.  I thought “Wow, that wind is wild.”  Then I looked out the other window at our trees.  Not a leaf was moving.  Now, I had prayed for my neighbor’s homes as well, and thankfully, no trees came down.  But in that moment, I knew God was showing me…..He was with me.  Our trees were calm in that moment, while those next door were being tossed with the wind.  

(Photo courtesy of a weather website)

The storm passed.  My storm passed.  And I was not alone.  

I realized this morning that yes, physically I was and still am “by myself”.  But I was not unloved.  I have a family and many who love me - who would come running at the drop of a hat if I needed them.  If they physically could. (I have since been lovingly exhorted by friends and family....I am to pick up that phone and call them....no matter what.) 

But above all, I have a Father in heaven, whose love and faithfulness never leave me (Psalm 117).  

I am never alone.  I am loved.  In the storms.  In the quiet moments.  In life.

You are never alone.  You are loved.  In the storms of life.  In the quiet and in the noisy.  In life.  Do you realize this?  Do you believe this?  If you struggle with this, can I lovingly suggest you take some quiet…..ask God to reveal to you His closeness in a way you will understand.  Ask Him to show you His love and His faithfulness.  Ask Him.  

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.  YOU ARE LOVED.

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Hugs and Hope in Armenia

Wow!  2015 is flying by ... We just returned from another 4-week journey into Central Asia, Ukraine, Armenia and Georgia.   I joined my husband for the last two weeks.  As always, in between the airports, long flights and delays, came the eternal moments of sharing life, touching a special someone and seeing the heart of a Father make a difference.

An opportunity of a week that didn’t involve teaching to larger groups, but just meeting one-on-one and letting hearts speak to hearts will always hold a special place now in our memories.  People shared their stories, their pain and we had the privilege of simply praying and touching a life.

For seven days we enjoyed the hospitality of a wonderful friend whom we have known for a few years.  However, what we didn’t realize was her enormous heart and evangelistic spirit.  She makes friends wherever she goes.  And she pulls people into her life and helps them to understand just how loved they are by their Heavenly Father.  Rarely a walk down the streets took place without someone she knew stopping her to chat and receive a hug.  A day did not go by without her small humble home filling with people whom she cared about and invited into her life.  Usually an hour did not pass without her phone beeping with a message that someone needed her.  Lives filled with pain and unanswered questions, she is available daily to simply be Jesus to a hurting world.  And she is a gift to a small town where God is moving.

One such day led us into the mountains surrounding a town in northern Armenia.  A home for the elderly in a lonely secluded spot.  A place where seemingly these dear souls are forgotten.  Yet they are cared for daily by people who are committed.  Our friend, joined by a small team of believers who love God, go weekly to sing, share stories and pray with men and women who just want to know they are not forgotten.  The wrinkled faces lit up with joy at seeing this group of young ladies come once more into their meager surroundings.  We talked about God’s love for them, His faithfulness throughout the many years and how we are NEVER EVER EVER ALONE.  NEVER.  His goodness even in the hard difficult years.  And looking out over these faces, it was not difficult to imagine their struggles through the years of communism and economic collapse in this small nation.  Their aged faces showed they had lived a life I could not imagine.  Yet, their eyes held a hope their was more to be had in the days left and beyond.  As our time ended, I realized how they simply wanted to know they have not been abandoned.  They were not there waiting to die….they STILL MATTERED.  Their hearts, their loves, their concerns, their daily existence still mattered.  

It really is not difficult to share the love of Jesus and the Father.  Sometimes, all it means is taking the time, a HUG and letting someone know their life matters.  Someone does actually care.  My hope and prayer is these lovely people continue to know HE WATCHES OVER THEM; THEIR FATHER IN HEAVEN LOVES THEM AND IS DAILY BY THEIR SIDE.  He has forgiven all their sins, wants to heal all their pain, and for the days they have left, they can experience true freedom and know their lives matter.  God is loving and faithful…even to the mountains of Armenia.  

Psalm 125:2  As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore.

Psalm 57:10  For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

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I Can Count On The Waves

Waking up to waves invokes feelings within my soul like no other place on earth.  If you’ve been at the beach for any length of time, you discover the waves are the same…day in…day out.  You wake up and nothing has changed.  Still rolling into the beach and back out to sea.  Most of the time, they even sound the same.  Same old, same old.

BUT OVERRIDING that is the sense of constant.  Faithful.  They will still be there when I wake up.  Nothing has changed.  They didn’t suddenly disappear.  If anything, the color has changed.  Grey to blue…or blue to grey.  But always, and consistently there.  And that brings a sense of security.  Of stability.  Of peace.  I can count on the waves.  

Same with my Heavenly Father.  He was there last night when I closed my eyes.  And He was there when I awakened.  Constant.  Consistent.  Perhaps a bit of a “color change”.  Sleep changed my perspective.  Worry clouded over the night before, but “joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5)

A sense of peace.  Security.  Stability.  Faithfulness.  James 1:17  “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  

I can count on the waves.

I can count on my Father.

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Good Friends, Good Food, Good Times

There’s just something about getting together with girlfriends where you share a history.  Ladies who’ve known you for years and know your goods and your bads.  Where you can almost tell what they are thinking just by looking at them.  The connection and sense of belonging - nothing else can beat it.  

Last night, as I climbed into bed I had such a feeling of fulfillment.  (I was suffering badly from my allergies, so this was no small feat)!  Earlier, six of us had  met together to celebrate a belated birthday of our dear friend, Elizabeth.  We are all very busy women and to pull us together can sometimes take a considerable amount of time.  Not for wanting, surely, but simply navigating time when we are all in town and not engaged.  As it was, two friends were unable to make it.  One out of the country visiting her daughter who was preparing to birth twins, and the other unable to get away from work in time.  She cares for the elderly.  Incredibly gifted women reaching out to the needs and joys in their lives at this moment.  They were sorely missed.  

The rest of us greeted each other separately arriving at the restaurant and there was a sense of “this will be fun” and long over-due.  For some reason, probably the end of the school year and great weather, the restaurant was packed.  We were able to grab a table on the beautiful patio and squeezed us all around so we could be close and hear each other.  It was very noisy and the air packed with enthusiasm and a “let-your-hair-down - it’s the end of school and summer is here” feeling!  I am certain three-quarters of the patio was filled with teachers!

We ordered our meals - yes, salads, for all six - it’s what you do at this season of life!  But incredibly delicious salads of grilled meats, vegetables and greens!  And in large bowls - we were happy!  Even as we bowed our heads to thank God for the food, the birthday celebration and our friendships, the noise was beyond loud, but such a peace as we were altogether.  Smiles all around!

Sharing life.  Relaying happy moments with grandchildren.  Upcoming weddings and out-of-country trips.  And stories of miracles and God showing up in other countries and cultures kept us enthralled as we let our lives overlap once again.  We laughed, asked questions and said we needed to be sure and not let the summer get away without doing this again.  A bbq at a home with the husbands and families.  Last night, we connected over salad, shared experiences and our lives that keep moving.  And so much to look forward to in the months and years ahead!  Several adult children not yet married, more grandchildren to come in the future and new seasons of each of our lives yet to be realized.  

I, for one, had a wonderful time.  Connection with women who matter to me.  And I am certain I was not alone in the feeling.  God seems to show up when we take time to let our lives intermingle.   When we are real with one another and just “be”.  Easy to do when you are with people you love and know you can be good, bad or hurting and they will listen, pray and be there.  Last night was one of those times.  I felt good when I left as my heart had been nurtured and fed in a way that only good friends can do.  

My husband and I had also spent last Sunday afternoon sitting in a beautiful vineyard overlooking the fields, enjoying a few hours with very good friends of many years whom we don't see very often these days.  Our children had grown up together and are now scattered all over the nation.  We took time and caught up with their lives and their children.  Again, a wonderful feeling when we parted….let’s do this again real soon!!  We don't see them often enough.

We need connection and more frequently than we realize.  We need community.  We need each other.  And those moments give us the fuel to move onward into the day and week of what we is ahead - back on the battlefield of life.   An oasis in the midst of the busy-ness and chaos of life.  Amazing how God can accomplish that in a very busy, chaotic, over-the-top noisy restaurant on a summer’s eve.

I am extremely blessed to have wonderful ladies and families in my life.  I hope you do as well and not let busy-ness get in the way of you blessing someone’s life and you in turn be blessed…just when you all needed it!

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Transitioning to Spring

I'm transitioning into Springtime.  It's a bit of the muck and mire time.  Winter wasn't easy.  Dark.  Cold.  Alone.  More uphill than down.  Not much sunshine.  Dead branches just waiting for the sun to come alive again.  And now putting my hand on the doorknob, turning the handle and daring to let the warmth and beauty of Spring come in.  

Do you feel this way coming out of a "season of winter".  I don't mean just the physical side here, but the spiritual.  Where you have had a season of trial, struggle, deadness and wondering if the sun would ever shine again.  We all have, I assume.  And seasons are good.  They are necessary for growth.  IF we don’t understand and grasp that God works in seasons, we will think our lives are to be one continual JOY and anything less means we are in sin.  We misunderstand and then walk away and blame God.

Our connection to the Vine (Jesus) will determine if we even survive the season, let alone have fruit in the next.  During the dark cold days of a winter season in my life, if I didn't have a prayer life, a time of getting into the Word each day, a hanging-on-for-dear-life clinging to the Lord, that door into Springtime would remain shut. 

The physical winter these past months have been very difficult for so many in parts of the U.S.   Those on the east coast wondering if winter will ever end.  You can hear it in their voices and see it on their faces when they are interviewed on the news stations.  When will this ever end??  But you know, sometime in this physical world, spring has to come.  It has to.  And, we know that even in our spiritual and emotional lives, springtime will come.  

Springtime is a time of new growth, new vision.  When the buds begin to show and then blossom.  That life in the bud was there a year ago...before the winter...growing, being nurtured waiting for its season to appear in all its beauty.  It knew it would.....it just took time.  And there was so much going on in the bud that couldn't be seen by the naked eye.  So much God is doing in us in the dark months, behind the scenes, waiting to be revealed in the proper season.  And the bud cannot be forced open; it must happen naturally by the hand of the creator.

Springtime means cleaning out the weeds, getting rid of the fallen branches, clearing the ground of the debris which has gathered over the stormy winter months.  Getting rid of the junk, distractions, and sin that can clutter our lives with so much ease we don't even see it until the sun shines again.  Takes discipline, intentional action of raking the deadness away before opening the door.  And don't even get me talking about washing the windows so you can even see out!   Aren't metaphors amazing in how they help us to see and relate the spiritual to the physical?

Despite the struggles, the questioning, the lack of passion, I knew Springtime would come.  I didn't know what it would look like, but I knew it would come.  If I let God do the deep inside work, eventually the season would change.  If I let God....


I went for a walk the other day.  I heard birds singing, pink blossoms budding from the trees, smelling their sweet scent.  Daffodils and tulips covered the fields below a brilliant blue sky.  A soft breeze blowing fluffy white clouds across that sky.  And I heard lawn mowers.  Springtime had arrived.  It was finally here.  And this week something in my heart and spirit has come alive.  New passions and desires that have lied dormant for months are emerging.  A new hope arising in my heart.  And I am daring to open the door and let Springtime take its course.  The sun is shining once again (as we knew it would) and I sense God has a smile on His face as those buds blossom and a new season of growth, vitality, vision and promise is on the other side of that door.

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